*crazy talk.

Attention!

Things I have not told you because I haven't updated in a week:

1. I got promoted.



Yes, if you are my Facebook friend you already know this, but I haven't elaborated since it happened a month ago because, as you are no doubt aware, I am both shy and retiring. I have a new title and new responsibilities, including being the boss of a real live person. That person hasn't started yet, which is why I've been working 400 hours a week instead of keeping up with the Woodside haps. If you have an extra moment, please send good vibes in the direction of the aforementioned real live person, as I have no idea what it's like to work with me but I suspect it is a "rewarding challenge."

So, you know, congratulations to me. Oh I'm sorry, am I boring you?



All righty then, on to the next.

2. I have recently discovered that children grow at a simply alarming rate. One day they're learning things like "this is my hand" and "dog barks are loud" and "holy crap when you put your hands over your face you DISAPPEAR" and thinking daddy is hilarious absolutely every time you see him.



The next day?



Well the next day you're counting down the minutes until you turn 11. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Stoppit.



All of you.



Right this second. You're making me misty. If you grow up too fast you'll turn around one day and you'll have babies of your own, and those babies will be making babies of their own, and all you'll have is quiet sighs and big laughs and soft hands that remind you just enough of your daddy's.



Come to think of it, that's pretty nice. Just ... take it slow, OK?

3. I've developed an addiction to thighs.



It's becoming debilitating.



I can't sleep, I can't concentrate, I can't blog.



Tiny, chubby thighs are all I can think about.



I'm sorry, what was I saying?

4. Oh yes, the list. The rambling, focus-less, concerned-for-my-mental-health list.

Let's see. I bought a car.



I met Thomas Keller.



I got my books signed by Thomas Keller and talked to him about mayonnaise and ate his short ribs with shameless speed.



I celebrated J's adoption day and watched 18 episodes of The Office with JULIE and catered my first event and had one crazy 24-hour period where I worked four separate jobs.

I'm tired.



Anyone want to do my taxes?