*pollo loco.

I know that the Woodside kitchen has produced nothing but salads of late, but you must never underestimate the culinary wizardry required to ... cut stuff up. And stir it together.

James Beard, here I come.

But it is flaming hot in Alabama in the summer, and in my defense this little number (Giada's Italian Chicken Salad in Lettuce Cups) fulfilled my requirements to feed carnivores, leave the kitchen cool, and keep the diabetic out of ketoacidosis. It also meant I didn't have to turn on the stove, a fortuitous notion considering that the last time I attempted to cook something I left the burner on for eight hours, sending J into hysterics and narrowly avoiding burning the house down.

Serendipity!

PS Because I was at the Food Network site, I feel it necessary to point out that this? Food Network Webmasters? Is gross looking. I wanted to navigate away immediately, if not for my commitment to the needs of my adoring readers.

PPS Your almonds almost gave me a seizure.

I halved the recipe, which serves 12, and was able to satisfy three eaters, comfort some late-night munchies, and make lunch for the pregnant sister.

I began with the wrinkled carcass of poultry, ostensibly lemon-pepper in flavor. Either it was overcooked, or it recoiled from the humidity. (the reason this photo looks like it was taken in a sauna. Because ... it was.)



Outside? 88% moisture. Inside?



0%. That is some dry business there, folks. But we'll just throw a bunch of shit at it, and all will be well!

Specifically parsley (the Publix only had the curly cousin of flat-leaf),



red onions (sliced "paper-thin," courtesy of mad knife skills),



bell peppers both red and yellow (which were supposed to be roasted bell peppers but were not, courtesy of bad reading skills),



slivered almonds,



and some rather handsome capers.



A simple vinaigrette—red wine vinegar, lemon juice, honey, salt, pepper, and olive oil—goes on top.



The recipe says to use "enough to moisten," so I used ... all of it. You saw that dried-up ole chicken.



The colors are lovely and summery, and it's a great way to serve people something you know they'll like—chicken salad—without the heaviness of mayonnaise. (Don't be sad, mayonnaise. You know we'll always be together.)

Oh, and also: mojito.



That has nothing to do with anything. It's just frozen rum.

YOU'RE WELCOME.