*preferential parker.

I know that, technically, the second definition of "expectant" is "expecting the birth of a child." But I can't help but wonder, every time I pass by these signs at the Publix, why the parameters aren't more strictly defined. Frankly, I'd like to have a kid at some point. Does that make me expectant? What if you're pregnant, but you feel sort of ambivalent about it?

"Ma'am, are you expectant?"
"Nah, I could take it or leave it."

How new do you have to be? I have images of harried moms trying to smuggle their obsolete 4-year-olds past the lot attendants.

Can you be ticketed? What if you're not really showing yet? Will you have to produce an EPT?

See, these are the kind of conundrums that plague me. I have a sneaking suspicion most people just load up their groceries and go home. I have to spend 14 minutes in the parking lot, taking photos of the sign and pondering its meaning while ignoring the pitying looks from strangers.

I guess the real solution would just be to give me my own personalized parking space at the greenmarket. Doesn't have to be prime real estate, just easy to get in and out of and close to the cart return. Otherwise I'm going to have to start hitching rides with preggers. And word on the street is they're even cranker than I am on an average day.

I hope everyone has a happy-accident sort of weekend. In the immortal words of Big Bro:

"It's sock-thirty."