*rewound.

I'm BACK!

[hold for applause]

I know, I know. I missed me, too. I got a little caught up with various and sundries, but when the Non-Reader implores me to return and someone (I know who you are, the extraneous k gives you away) calls me a dude, the situation is dire.

Down to business!

Agenda Item 1: Face lift

You like? Leave your comments and suggestions for me. I would run a poll, but then you wouldn't be able to wax poetical. Any features you adore? Abhor? I have added an RSS feed so that you can get up! to! the! minute! notice should I publish. Or up to the month, at least. And I made the font larger because holy mother. PS: I managed to tweak this html even though I know nothing about html and the code was written entirely in Spanish. I'm pooped.

Agenda Item 2: Subway Shenanigans

I find the Subway line fascinating. And because I haven't been cooking lately, I've been spending a lot of time in it. (Question: If you don't get chips, you don't have to feel guilty about eating the entire $5 footlong, right? Great, just checking.) I'm irrationally spellbound by what people order on their sandwiches. It's all so prettily contained behind the sneeze guard, so it's not the disgusting free-for-all buffets are. Or cocktail parties. There is something seriously awful about people around free food. They turn into animals.

But the lovely Sandwich Artists keep the melee at bay. They ALWAYS put too much of anything on there (I like black olives as much as the next person, but I don't need a bushel, thanks). I just adore seeing the weird shit people will put on their sandwiches. If you're making a sandwich at home, would you put salt and pepper on it? Probably not. But what percentage of Subway patrons ask for it? In my experience, about 86%. Somehow it becomes a luxury! And if you're getting the Italian BMT, you already have THREE MEATS. Asking for double meat is greedy AND cardiovascularly dangerous. I once saw someone order a sandwich for her child with lettuce and yellow mustard. That was it! It was nuts! It's like crazies on parade. Feels like home.

But it left me wondering: What do you like on your Subway sandwich? I find people are militantly devoted to their singular concoctions. Here's mine:



Please pardon the too-defined (and embarrassingly large) bite. I have an enormous mouth. Shut up.

I get the Veggie Delite (it's tastier if you spell it that way) on wheat with cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, green peppers, cucumbers, and light mayo. Usually I go for the yellow mustard, but today was a splurge. I'm good to me.

So! I leave you to your tasks. Weigh in, and I promise I'll never, ever leave you again.

Much love to those who have seen me through the sabbatical. I've missed this forum. I may have dressed it up, but it'll be the same sarcastic idiocy it's always been. You have been warned.