*fickle fridays.

I love:



I've tried just about every flat dinnerware piece I have to put my dirty utensils on, but have always been too cheap to buy anything specifically for that purpose. Then JLB went to Portugal, and all I got was this lousy spoon rest!

Kidding. Although this is an important note, readers: If you buy things for the Woodside, you too might be featured in this very forum! Unless you give me something horrible, like this. (Robert Irvine: I'm coming for you.) Then you will go the way of the Neelys, below. You have been warned.

I wasn't sure I was going to post this, because I didn't want to be all, "Look what I got! How do you like them apples?" But look! Go ahead. Arm wrestle for it.

I loathe:



I'm sorry. I want to like Gina and Pat. I suspect they are, in real life, incredibly nice and fun to hang out with. But Pat's facial hair is confusing and distracting, and Gina's just ... screechy. They can probably mitigate that as episodes go on. Sometimes I think people approach being on TV the same way they approach speaking to ESL students, or deaf people. Paula and Rachael never really recovered. Maybe they yelled so much at the outset that their hearing was permanently damaged. It's a theory. (Side note: How insane does Paula look in that picture? That is the look of a woman who's spent too much time in Wal Mart.)

Additionally, I would like to know the Neelys in the kitchen, not in the bedroom. Your cute-couple banter is sweet, but just make the food. Stop making out.

Here are some quotes from a recent episode (all courtesy of Gina, natch, and on the subject of the miniature Twix—pardon me, chocolate-covered caramel and wafer candies—going into the middle of the brownies).

"Just line them up like little soldiers. They think they're going to war, but they're gonna get eaten."

What in the name of the English language does that mean?

"The little soldiers are going in ... but they're not coming back."

Military personnel going away, never to return? Nice visual, Gina!

"Just line them up. They'll line up on your waistline the same way, though, so don't eat too many of these. You want to keep your man at home."

BLARGH. I have to go burn my bra now.