*shut up. YOU'RE weird.

I know, I know, I've given you a lot of "glamour." A lot of "epicurean delight." A lot of "room" for "improvement." But there's only so much a single lady (even one with an appetite for life like mine) can accomplish in terms of eating. Over the past week I have accumulated a LOT of leftovers. Some of those dishes will get reinterpreted (please, anyone, give me some ideas for that mushroom pasta dish. But before you comment, you should know J is less than thrilled about fungus). In the meantime, I introduce you to my breakfast.

Given my druthers, I really want this for breakfast. But they're not always available in the myriad Woodside grocers' freezer cases, and when they are, they aren't generally on sale. They taste DELICIOUS, though, and I highly recommend. I'll just say on a scale of 1 to IHOP, these are decidedly Waffle House hash browns. And for 1:15 in the microwave, that's not much to sneeze at.

In the interest of heart health, though, and acknowledging that I generally rouse myself 17.5 minutes after I need to be out of the shower and drying my hair, I know that my oatmeal will always be there for me.



A little water over a half cup of oats (just enough to cover):



And into the microwave for 1:00. One! On your average Monday, that's enough time to half-heartedly apply your makeup. Or, at the very least, time to spit-clean the mascara from your bottom lids and blink the whites back into your eyes.



For four years, I didn't have a microwave. In fact, I didn't think I needed a microwave. JLB bought me this one for my birthday, and I lurv it. Yes, all microwaves do precisely the same thing. But don't you wish you had one this pretty?

So here's where it gets questionable. The trick to oatmeal that is healthy, stick-to-your-ribs, not cloying, and not rubber cement is ... trust me, here ... cottage cheese. I know, I know! I blame mother superior. She used to make us spinach linguine with cottage cheese, and its transformative taste has stuck with me. Look:



Yeah, OK, that looks gross. But it tastes really good. Throw away the raisins and cinnamon and sugar! Plus, half a cup of oats and half a cup of cottage cheese will keep you full until ... February 12. Give or take.

There are selfish motives here, I admit. Papa T says commenting isn't necessarily intuitive, so click on "0 comments" or, god willing in the next few minutes, "116 comments", and berate me for my questionable first-thing-in-the-morning taste. I court controversy. Happy Super Duper Tuesday!